Happy New Month🥳🥳 As this month doubles up as birthday month💃🏽💃🏽, I promise to give you sensational pieces.
I must apologize for not writing in the month of March, life took hold of me coupled with writer’s block😶.
Thanks for constantly reading and urging me to keep writing , I appreciate you all.
Love, Eno K
James, Fiifi, Jaden………
Why do I seem to only fall in love with people I can never have? This heart of mine does not have any sense of direction in this life and has disconnected all ties with my head and seems to just go with its flow. And so far she has been a disaster. Only coming back with bandaids in an attempt to hold her together. “What on earth can I do with you? You just do not think!”
James, Oh James! The mention of your name just sent my lips wide and the smile was enough to get to my eyes. What beautiful memories I made with you in my mind, hahaha. They could not manifest because you were my teacher and I was a shy teenager. I could never look in your eyes for fear that you would see through me. Anytime you stood in class to teach, my heart was in a constant somersault and the butterflies in my tummy went agog. I dreamt of a possible life together………childish me. The only way I could make you notice me was by failing in your subject so you will call me for the special tutorial like you did with the others but the only time I failed, you announced that you had stopped that tutorial. I was so furious at you, “how could you do that to me?”, “Did you have any idea what it took to fail just so you will notice me?” The lecture I was going to receive from my dad did not hold as opposed to the ultimate goal of being your special tutorial student and you ruined it all! That day, the love vanished and I made a pact with brain never to allow heart to run around unchecked.
This heart of mine I have concluded is on a suicide mission, do not ask me why, by the time I am done with Uncle Fiifi you will understand me. The title Uncle should just tell you this was a forbidden love right from the word go, but dear heart with no ears will not listen. Uncle Fiifi was that perfect young uncle we all had. All the female cousins had a crush on him and I was no exception and the male cousins aspired to be like him. Uncle Fiifi was married to a beautiful woman and I hated her for taking the love of my life away from me. The day he brought her home, I cried in my pillow the whole night knowing I had lost him for good. Uncle Fiifi saw me grow, he was my go-to person, he taught me how to swim, took us to all the fun places when mummy and daddy weren’t available. He always asked which boy I liked and how to go about the boys in my university. Little did he know the advice he gave me was kept in my heart as a treasure to be used on him. On my 23rd birthday, he sent me out and promised me a wonderful time. Silly me thought I was matured enough to let it all out. I had written a 3 paged, heartfelt letter to him and even tried to steal a kiss when the hug he gave me lingered on. I actually thought he felt the same way about me and that he would leave auntie for me and we will be happy together. Well, that day saw the end of us, and heart returned to head with a stronger resolve. Today we are better friends after years of avoiding me as though I was a plague and that stung so bad.
Jaden was our youth chaplain, I am trying to cover who entirely Jaden is…………..how can I even say this. Jaden is a Catholic priest. Now, do you understand why I berate my heart so much? When she sees a forbidden man, that is when she decides to pump ferociously. Fr Jaden was my ideal man. When he stood on the sanctuary in his white cassock, Lord!! As for the sermon, it was never my focus. Fine man, 6’1 tall, sideburns, 6 packs, chocolate in colour, no pimples, no wrinkles, only dimples. I hope you are getting the picture I am painting, and with all this fineness this man decided to be a priest! Fr Jaden did not try for the females like me. I built a family with him. Honestly, it was not just an infatuation it was love. I was more mature at this stage and kept my emotions under my sleeve. Unfortunately for me, I had to work on some committees with him, so we got close. The closer we got, the more difficult it was to keep my heart in check. Heart run free and wild again. I think this is the saddest one because Fr Jaden felt the same way about me. It is always easier when one party does not like you like James and Uncle Fiifi but this case was different. Fr loved the priesthood and lived for it. He could not bring himself to want to leave and he selfishly wanted me just as I wanted him.
After months of tears and love, the brain took over and dragged love home. I changed parishes and priests and I are not friends!!! I cannot die twice.
To all the forbidden men I have loved, I really did love you but as it were, you were all forbidden. I do not know why the unforbidden ones haven’t yet appealed to my heart or maybe my heart ascribes to Cardi B’s rap in Girl’s like you by Maroon 5, “why is the best fruit always forbidden?” Is this true?
I have no idea
But for now, my heart is under rigorous training.
I am happy to announce that, an unforbidden lad is lurking around. I do not want to get ahead of myself so I am taking it slowly, wish me luck because this time he has to be the one 😉!